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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27619537">Unlovable</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallenfae/pseuds/Fallenfae'>Fallenfae</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Warriors shipfics [8]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Warriors - Erin Hunter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abuse, Angst, Childhood Trauma, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Abuse, Pedophilia, Physical Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 03:42:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>551</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27619537</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallenfae/pseuds/Fallenfae</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>No one likes a whore. Especially not Starclan.</p><p>After-events of Spottedleaf's rape.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Spottedleaf/Thistleclaw (Warriors)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Warriors shipfics [8]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887913</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Unlovable</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Given the fics i write - which none of the people who treat me like this actually read and only go through the titles - im a huge target for scorn. Hey guys, you know i write these all based off personal expirience? I was groomed. I was manipulated. I was used for child p**n. I cant even say it. People who know i write this stuff always victim blame me, telling me im disgusting for even writing it. This is a vent - and what it feels like.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I didn't know the effects rippled as much as they did. I never expected it.</p><p> </p><p>It took me by surprise, that when Starclan came around the night I was assigned a medicine apprentice, that they'd treat me with scorn.</p><p> </p><p>I remember it so deeply. It danced around my head like a vivid nightmare that would never let me go. They inspected every inch of me, top to bottom - and my throat clenched and the ground swayed as they pressed against me, eyes glaring into every crevice, every surface, every hair on my body. One pulled back and with utter gut-wrenching disgust, they glared me down with the most disdain I'd ever seen in my life. "Impure. She's been broken. Taken a mate." They scoffed.</p><p> </p><p>My heart dropped. They knew. How did they know?</p><p> </p><p>"It wasn't my fault! I was forced into it." I pleaded. They did not listen, and my head pounded and throbbed with their whispers and contempt, circling around me and stealing my air away. "How dare they bring us a whore? The girl's been taken!" Another screeched right in my ear. I shook my head, frantically trying to convince them otherwise, pulse hard and heavy. My fur stood on end. "N-no! Thistleclaw wouldn't let me escape, he--..." </p><p> </p><p>I dared not recall it even now, hot tears welling in my eyes. Please. <i>Please</i> let them understand. I urged myself to speak but no matter what, my throat was dry and my mouth was sticky and my vision was blurred, and all I could see were mists whizzing by me. "Witch!" One yowled.  "She has no right to train under our name!"  </p><p> </p><p>Time was ticking. If they refused me, I'd have to explain why… Featherwhisker didn't know yet! I'd be forced to stand among all my peers, hailing from each of the clans as they all stare at me expecting answers as to why Starclan deemed me so unholy; and I'd have to tell them. I'd have to <i>remind myself</i> of that wretched night. I could barely breathe, inhaling shallowly and gripping onto the ground to keep up with my surroundings.</p><p> </p><p>"How <i>dare</i> you think yourself so entitled as to come to us when you've taken a mate! Child, hear me when I say," one grabbed me by my jaw and held me up, eye to eye, and I could see that there was no point in explaining. "You are a <i>corrupted</i> creature. Filthy and used. There will not be a day where we let you enter our gates." They threw my head back, and my entire body slammed against the ground by the force. Another laughed. "Tell us about it, oh whore! Did you enjoy it?" </p><p> </p><p>I shook my head with a wheezed croak. "No! No, please--, I never wanted--.." I shook my head, the hot tears against my cheek trailing down my face into a pool of hot fire lapping at my feet. I shrieked. </p><p> </p><p>"Look at the wailing faithless lump of fur! She has no love for her creators to keep herself clean," They continued their mockery, tearing up at my fur. It was a hellish experience. A whirl of screaming, and accusations and hatred, and I knew then that I'd never be loved.</p><p> </p><p>I was the first to awake.</p><p> </p><p>And I was the first to leave.</p>
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